Today’s post is going to be a bit of a break from the more traditionally educational posts you usually see around here. It’s definitely a far cry from the usual #bisforbonnieloves posts you see here on Fridays! Many of you may know that my husband and I recently lost our precious fur baby, Rascal, at the end of May. I got Rascal during my sophomore year of college when he was just a little pup, and he and I went through it all together. Breakups, hard college finals, summer days at the lake, long distance dating of my now-husband. Eventually, we welcomed Armon into our lives and moved cross-country multiple times for his career in the Air Force. While our friends were having children, we had Rascal, and he filled our hearts with an unconditional love like we’ve never known.
He suddenly passed away at the young age of 6 due to what we believe was an aggressive heart tumor. This loss is something we’re still trying to process, and thankfully this heartache has only brought Armon and I closer together. In the midst of this loss, I had to keep working. Bills needed to be paid, client deadlines had to be met, and the world had to keep moving on. And friends, it was hard. Some days it still is hard. And I thought that surely I can’t be the only business owner who has had to maintain a certain level of professionalism in the midst of absolute heartache. So rather than keep these thoughts tucked away in my journal, I thought they would be better served here, in this space where we love one another, care for each other and help each other navigate the good, bad and ugly of small business ownership. Maybe you’re currently in the thick of grief, whether you’re feeling the loss of a dear loved one, friend or furry family member. Know that you’re not alone.
Some days it feels unfair that the world keeps turning and life has to continue moving forward. Some days it’s just plain ugly and ends with you sitting on your shower floor in tears. There are a lot of tears. Tears during normal, everyday things that somehow don’t feel as sweet as they once did. It feels like this odd mix of hopeless and despair, all the while you know that one day things will be just a little bit better. It feels like you aren’t as vibrant as you once were, like life has suddenly knocked the light right out of you.
Running a business in the midst of grief involves a lot of grace, mostly for yourself. You may cry ugly tears while boxing up shop orders, I like did. You may sit and stare blankly at your inbox for a while before finally coming to. You may eat cheese pizza from your favorite pizza place for lunch every day for a week. And that’s okay. The thing about grief is, there’s no right way to do it. Grief isn’t linear. Everybody’s process looks different. There’s no standard timeframe for healing, set of emotions you pass through or handbook for how to get through it. It’s one of those things that’s so ugly that it literally knocks you off your feet. And that’s okay. Give yourself the grace to feel it all, to allow yourself to get back up at your own pace, and to process this season in a way that works for you. Talk to a friend or professional, journal out your feelings or run into the mountains to seek clarity. You will get through this in time, in your own way.
Know that this season of life will mean letting people down, and that’s just a fact. Some deadlines won’t be met, some appointments will have to be rescheduled, and some projects just won’t happen. This is one of those seasons that’s especially hard on Type A folks like me. When you’re in such an emotional place, you truly won’t be able to do it all, or meet every expectation. You will have to choose how to best approach your list of priorities, and the less important items will have to take the backburner. Try not to let the guilt of not being able to meet every expectation, professional or personal, add to the barrage of emotions you’re feeling. This is one of those times in life where the best way to serve your loved ones and clients, is by first taking care of yourself. Without your full energy, creativity and mental clarity, everyone you interact with simply won’t receive the best of you. And you know what? The people that truly get it, those who have been there before or those who love you, will completely understand.
Running a business in the thick of loss looks like leaning on those you love every day. It means going slow, not taking on more than you can handle, and drinking plenty of water because crying can be a bit dehydrating. It means finding new reasons to smile and be happy, because it won’t always be this hard. It means cherishing the memories you have and knowing that your lost loved one will always be with you in spirit.
Maybe this is a season to take a step back from social media, or maybe you find comfort in sharing your experiences with others. Know that however you choose to go through this, throwing yourself into your work before you fully process this loss won’t do you any favors. The longer you delay your encounter with the truth, the harder it will hit you when you do.
Grief is hard, it’s ugly and it’s not very popular to talk about. But it’s real. It’s sad part of life we all have to face. And there should be no stigma attached to fully experiencing your life, even the ugly parts. So let’s grab hands and walk through this together, friend. Because I know together, we can get through anything.
This was beautiful, Bonnie. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much! And thank you from the bottom of my heart for the incredibly thoughtful gift. You are such a gem!
This really struck a cord with me. Thank you for writing. My family lost our very special fur baby Sandy on Memorial Day. She was the family pet, best friend to our 3 kids and No Regrets Events office dog.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Nancy. Losing such a sweet member of the family is heartbreaking, and I hope your little family is finding comfort in the midst of this tough time.
Love your authenticity! So sorry for your loss…
Thank you, Jeannette.
Thank you so much for sharing this Bonnie, it is so heartfelt and so real. It’s strange that I have read this post today of all days as my precious old dog has become very unwell with his arthritis this week and isn’t coping with the medications very well. I have found it really difficult to do anything when I am so distracted and cannot even imagine what it will be like if and when he passes. Knowing that others have gone through this and I’m not stupid or silly or just plain crazy is a real comfort. I’m so glad I found this post today, thank you.
xx
I’m so sorry to hear about your sweet dog, Jessica! I truly hope things start to look up soon. Whatever the outcome, remember that you’re not alone!